Monday, December 24, 2012

Home Wrecker Consequences


Now that the holidays are here, for me it is a time for reflection. When I think about Christmas I think about all the years of being with my family celebrating in our game room. The entire family gathered at our house to be together. What I remember the most was just this feeling of being content. While I was with all these people that I loved, I felt fulfilled. Back then we were close. That was before my mother died. With her death, my family pretty much evaporated in front of my eyes. Nothing was ever the same again.

Through the years my life has changed and so has the way I celebrate. While I was married I loved being with husband’s family and after a while they became my own.

Losing this family that were mine for so many years hits hard now that Christmas in just a day away. With them, I could be myself without any misunderstandings. I never had to worry about what I said. I was accepted for just being me. How golden that seems now that those days are in the past.

Besides giving up my dog Ivy who I loved so much, walking away from these people has been the hardest part to my divorce. Now this family is no longer mine. This is when I really feel the consequences of what I did. 

There is always the yin and yang that comes with making such big life-changing decisions. I love my boyfriend more than anything and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else but today I am just reminded of the sacrifices that I made. When I closed the door to my marriage I also left behind a family that meant the world to me.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Home Wrecker vs. Morals


Before the divorce, before "Home Wrecker" I used to pride myself on my high morals and my loyalty. I was never the kind of girl who went after her friends’ boyfriends or cheated on anyone. I had more self-respect than that. It had been difficult to accept that I was no longer the person I once was. I had to learn to see myself differently. I knew I was not a bad person but someone who had made some critical mistakes.


Friday, December 14, 2012

12/14/2012


If only we could remove all the sickness in the world and stop the killing of innocent men, women, and children. We could live in a world without fear. 

 As long as there are sick minds, we will never be free of such violent acts. There is just no way to understand how someone could be so cruel to want to take another life. It is one thing to hurt yourself but to use a gun with the intention of killing someone you have never even met is beyond comprehension.

I pray the victims are in a better place. A safer place than this. A place where there is no hatred but only love of the human race.


Thursday, December 13, 2012

Home Wrecker vs. Guilt


When I left my husband for another man I was scrutinized by just about everyone. More than that, I condemned myself continuously because I knew what I did was morally wrong.
I have had a hard time accepting what I did since I knew even while I was doing it, that it was unethical. You have to be able to feel good about yourself. You know the saying, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Well, there lies my dilemma. 

How do you forgive yourself for something that you know was immoral? How do you let yourself off the hook for being  imperfect?

The thing is we can’t undo the past. What is done is done. There comes a time you have to give yourself a break. 

From all of my mistakes, I have learned from them and gained an education. Some of these mistakes, I would do all over again.  We are human, right? Sometimes it takes us hitting  our head against the wall over and over again to actually learn something.

It takes a lot of work to forgive yourself and actually believe it. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Brooklyn


When I sat down to write Home Wrecker I decided I was going to come clean with everything. I was going to be my authentic self and not hold back. I wanted to strip all the protective layers away and become naked and vulnerable. 

I didn’t take into consideration the judgement and the criticism that would come my way. Even though it hurt and I became sensitive and at times fragile, I knew I could handle it. I have lived through much worse, so I knew I could manage whatever backlash were to follow.

I guess you can say I am a survivor because here I am to tell my story without any masks or disguises.

 I have nothing to hide.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Another one bites the dust...Yet another Home Wrecker edit


Fate

I believe fate changes everything. Things do happen for a reason.  Had I not learned to embrace life and live like my days were numbered, I never would have yearned for more, I would have continued being “the wife” who settled for less. I lived unfulfilled because I thought it was what I needed to do.
All these life changes have led me to a better place. Even though it had been the hardest, most difficult experience, I was so thankful to have gone through it, as it made me a stronger person.

What really changed my life was losing my mother when I did. I was so immature and knew nothing about the real world. That loss changed me in so many ways. Had my mom lived longer, I would have had an entirely different way of looking at things. I lived in a world that revolved around me and my happiness. My mom sheltered me from the ugly side of life. I only saw what she wanted me to see. After her death, I had to face the hard realities of life head on. I had no buffers and I had to learn to fend for myself. Some of the lessons I have had to learn, I learned the hard way.


Friday, December 7, 2012

ANOTHER HOME WRECKER EDIT....READ IT FOR THE LAST TIME...



"The actor" my make another appearance....

I met the actor that I agreed to go out on a date. We met on the Stairmaster at the club. He was well read and a good conversationalist. After graduating from Yale, he moved to Los Angeles from New York to work as an actor. He wasn’t good looking in the traditional sense, but he definitely had his appeal.

On our first date, he took me to a party. From the minute he picked me up, he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of me. Even though I backed off as he tried to put his hands in the back pockets of my jeans, he still attempted to touch me. He was entirely different from what I had thought. I lost interest in him right away. 

He called me several times to go out again, but I kept turning him down. He started showing up at places he knew I would be. He certainly put some effort into spending time with me, which caught my attention. He had turned me off with his aggressive approach, but after a while, his persistence paid off. I agreed to go out with him again. 
Most of our time was spent in Santa Monica at his tiny “studio” apartment, as they were called. That was where he seduced me. He really did. I call that time with him my “sexual revolution,” because I learned a lot about sex and myself. I had never seen myself as “sexy” before this. I did things with him that I had never done before. 

With him, I felt like I was in a movie. I learned the art of seduction and I enjoying playing with it. I often showed up at his place dressed in what I call costumes. It was all fantasy. I wore a trench coat with nothing more than panties underneath. We were not making love, but we loved having sex. We were not moving toward anything more than simply enjoying each other’s bodies for that period of time. 

I actually felt appealing in his company. He was more sexual than any other man I had been with. He just loved women. He knew how to make a woman feel good. With him, I was able to be someone else, which I liked. After a while, I did start to have feelings for him. I think I was confusing sex with love. We never really connected on an emotional level. It was always just sex, nothing more, nothing less. It was nice while it lasted. I just couldn’t lie to myself any longer. I wanted more, while I kept accepting less. 

Eventually, I stopped seeing him. I knew it would only cause me pain down the road. To my surprise, it didn’t take long for me to bounce back, which made me certain I didn’t love him. It was simple to walk away from this man. I learned how easy it was to get caught up in the moment and how effortless it was to walk away.

Years later, the actor got work on a hit television show. He is now a famous actor doing what he set out to do. He is married with children, but has a reputation as a ladies’ man. Just last year he went to rehab for sex addiction. Which was no shock to me.


HOME WRECKER EDITS...easy come...easy go!!!


Since I made the choice to leave Gerard for another man, I was confronted by people who made judgments about who I was. 
I was judged from all angles. I knew it was easy to form an opinion of someone without knowing all the facts, but all this criticism had weighed heavily on me. It hurt to be seen as someone without a soul. I was definitely feeling the consequences of my actions. I was trying to rebuild my life, but I couldn’t run from what had happened, or deny what I had done. Even though I didn’t feel remorseful for leaving Gerard, I did have to live with my choices.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Home Wrecker...Before the edits!!!



The first time we went ring shopping ( my soon to be husband) Gerard's house on the top of the hill burnt down.  Who would have thought?  Was it a sign, I wondered? 

 I had made it known I didn’t want to live there, but I surely didn’t wish for this to happen.

On our way back from shopping downtown, we noticed a big cloud of smoke had formed over the mountains. From that very moment, I knew Gerard’s property was going to be affected, even though the fire was several miles away. Gerard didn’t buy into my suspicions. He thought I was being silly. Yes, I do tend yo overreact. 

Soon after, we found out that most of Malibu and Topanga was burning. I couldn’t help but feel guilty because, in a way, I had wished for this house to be gone. I felt like it was standing in our way. Could I have been the one who lit the match? Just food for thought. 

There was a certain peacefulness in the woods around his home. It was far enough away that you couldn’t hear the sounds of traffic and congestion. There, the outside world did not exist. It had a lot of great qualities, but I wasn’t interested in utilizing them. Being a city gal...a little congestion never bothered me.

As we continued making our way back, we were mesmerized by the massive flames. Gerard dropped me off and then went up the hill to see if the fire had reached his home. 

The rest of the afternoon, I waited to hear some news from him. The media was going crazy reporting the spread of the fire. It was enough to make anyone a bit tense. By nightfall, I still had not heard from Gerard. When I did phone him, he was still really casual about it all. I would have been just a bit more dramatic...what a shock! 

After a while, I really started to worry for his safety. I called him several times, begging him to get down the hill. At the time, the entire canyon was burning up and Gerard was out on his patio, drinking beers with his brother Lance, who had come to his rescue. Rather than rushing around collecting his belongings, they sat watching the flames approach his backyard. Let's face it, I would have been gathering my shoes!!! 

After a couple of beers, some pasta and packing, he made it down the hill to safety. He didn’t get to my place until after nine o’clock that night. I was ready to kill him, though I knew once I saw him, the anger would go away. As the hours passed, I feared I would never see him again. It made me realize how crucial he was to my life. It felt like a test. Or so I thought? 


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

THE NEXT BEST THING WITH JOHN EMIL AUGUSTINE


I HAVE BEEN INVITED ALONG WITH SOME AUTHOR FRIENDS TO JOIN IN THE BLOG-CHAIN CALLED 'MY NEXT BIG THING'.






THANKS TO MY FACEBOOK OPPONENT BRENDA PERLIN FOR THE SUMMONS TO ATTEND THIS BLOG-CHAIN.  I PLAN TO OUT-WRITE HER IN THE RACE TO COMPLETE OUR LATEST BOOK'S? WHO WILL FINISH FIRST?

YOU CAN FIND OUR PAGES ON FACEBOOK AND VOTE FOR WHO YOU THINK WILL BE THE WINNER.
Facebook Team John Emil Augustine



HERE IS WHAT I HAD TO SAY ABOUT MY NEXT BIG THING.

What is the working title of your book?

Love Seen from Healing is book three in my Love Seen series. I am almost done with the entire rough draft. The first two books are already out and available for download as well as in paperback: Love Seen from Hell and Love Seen from Heartache. The link is below.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

My first book, Love Seen from Hell, was a series of Facebook messages to a friend of mine who had gone through a similar situation to mine; namely, an abusive relationship. I wanted to send her my story and what I had learned in hopes of giving her some perspective. After I realized it was almost as long as a book (my poor friend!), I doctored it up and actually did turn it into a book.

What genre does your book fall under?

It is a non-fiction romance which also very much fits into the
inspirational memoir category.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Almost two months.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

It’s like nothing else that’s out there. The only kindred book is Home Wrecker, as its author Brenda Perlin and I share similar situations in our books.

Who or What inspired you to write this book?

Actually, my friend Olivia, who has always been like a kid sister to me, inspired the book. She had been through an awful relationship and was saved from it by a guy who spent a year convincing her to get out of the relationship. Eventually the two of them developed a romantic relationship which didn’t work out the way either of them expected because he was killed. So he saved her and then vanished. I understood
that feeling to some degree, so I shared my story with her via
Facebook.

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

These are real-life stories of marriage, divorce, kids, family, and individual struggles from my perspective, i.e. the perspective of a man. That right there can be intriguing to a reader and can also turn a potential reader off. I have heard both responses. Each time I have heard either response, it has been followed by the observation that once into the first chapter, the series simply becomes a heart-wrenching and heart-warming story to which guys and gals, fiction and non-fiction lovers can easily relate and, I hope, can be given a lens through which to see good things about their own struggles as well as their own happiness.



And now, I'll pass the baton to some of my writer friends that kindly agreed to participate in the blog-chain ... stay tuned to read about their Next Big Thing.


Brenda Perlin- Home Wrecker

HOME WRECKER TO BE RE-RELEASED JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!



MARK BARRY- Green Wizard Blogspot   An Interview With Brenda Perlin On Green Wizards Blog

Sarah Bunchynski- The Awakening.. Sarah Bunchynski Blog Please visit Facebook BeforeTrue Light

Lisa Day- Wolfkeeper's Woman
 Lisa Day Website Please visit the 
  Lisa Day Facebook Author Page


Paige Bleu- Finding Summerland...Paige Bleu Blog Please visit the  Paige Bleu Facebook Author Page



Jessica Kong- A Lost Kitten...Jessica Kong Blog


THE BLOG-CHAIN ORIGINATOR ANDY DUNCAN, AUTHOR OF THE BADGER-BOY BROUHAHA 






Saturday, November 17, 2012

MY NEXT BEST THING WITH BRENDA PERLIN



I COULDN'T RESTRAIN FROM INVITING MY GREAT AUTHOR FRIENDS ALONG WITH MYSELF TO ENGAGE IN THE BLOG-CHAIN CALLED 'MY NEXT BIG THING'.


THANKS TO MY GOOD MATE (SO MUCH A BRIT HE IS) MARK BARRY - WIZARD EXTRAORDINAIRE The Wizard's Cauldron Blog WHO INVITED ME TO PARTICIPATE IN THE BLOG-CHAIN STARTED BY ANDY DUNCAN, AUTHOR OF THE BADGER-BOY BROUHAHA 




HERE IS WHAT I HAD TO SAY ABOUT MY NEXT BIG THING.
 What is the working title of your book?
Home Wrecker

Where did the idea come from for the book?
The original idea I had was to write about the fraudulent wedding business while I was a stressed-out nailing biting bride-to-be. The story altered after fifteen some odd years when this married woman found herself a boyfriend.

What genre does your book fall under?
This is a “true life” story but I call it fiction to protect my reputation (not really) and from having more people come after me than already have.
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
You don’t even want to know!!!! Let’s just say it was years in the making!

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Honestly I haven’t compared my story to any other writers but I liked that in my interview with Wiz (Mark Barry) made a lovely little comparison of my writing to Elizabeth Wurtzel’s of “Prozac Nation” fame. He also mentioned Woody Allen’s movie Manhattan...Wow!!! I am going to take that and run. An Interview With Brenda Perlin on Wizards Cauldron Blogspot 

Who or What inspired you to write this book?
All the credit really should go to my ex-husband. Had he not put so much pressure on me to do something....anything...I would not have started writing my story. Also I have him to thank for spreading all the nasty rumors about me all over the web. Had he just sat back and let fate run it’s course there would not have been a “Home Wrecker.”

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?
Well, the drama still continues. Hurry up and read Home Wrecker because I am now working on a revision and hope for many good changes and new stories. Also, stay tuned for a second book in the series called Home Wrecker: The Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles! It is a raw account from not only a woman's perspective but also gives you a guys perspective as well. 

I do share a lot of naughty secrets. But you will have to read the booK to find out what they are.

HOME WRECKER TO BE RE-RELEASED JUST IN TIME FOR THE NEW YEAR!
Brenda Perlin- Home Wrecker Home Wrecker Blog
And now, I'll pass the baton to some of my writer friends that kindly agreed to participate in the blog-chain ... stay tuned to read about their Next Big Thing.

Mark Barry- ... The Illustrated Woman  Green Wizard Blogspot

John Emil Augustine- Love Seen From Hell... John Emil Augustine Please visit John Emil Augustine's Author page on Facebook Love Seen From Hell


Lisa Day- Wolfkeeper's Woman Lisa Day Website visit the Lisa Day Author Page on Facebook




Paige Bleu- Finding Summerland...Paige Bleu Blog Please visit the Paige Bleu Author Page  

Sarah Bunchynski- The Awakening...Sarah Buchynski Blog
Please visit Sarah Bunchynski's Author page Facebook BeforeTrue Light

Jessica Kong- A Lost Kitten...Jessica Kong Blog
or Facebook Page  Jessica Kong Facebook Author Page



 Lisa Day-The Stepbrother's..... Lisa Day Website

Do stop by Lisa's site.. or visit the Lisa Day Author Page on Facebook 



Thursday, November 15, 2012

Whack Job Home Wrecker


“I was physically attacked by a woman who didn’t even know me. Yes, my boyfriend was her former husband, but she tried to ruin me.”

I don’t know how some people think they are above the law? You can’t attack someone in broad daylight with a large audience and think you are going to get away with it. This crazy lady came unglued. She is the real Home Wrecker in this saga but lives in denial.
Some individuals just seem to lack common sense. Either you have it or you don’t. I have made some pretty bad decisions in my life but I am thankful my mom handed me down her good sense. With that comes a certain confidence. We may not be the sharpest knives in the drawer but if you mess with us, there is no way you are going to get away with it.


Home Wrecker and the gym


“I always considered working out to be a positive thing and better than hanging out in a bar, drinking alcohol all night.”
I have never been a compulsive person but I guess you can say exercise is my obsession. It was not a Home Wrecker but a life saver. I don’t think anything could have helped my self-esteem as much as having a better body image. I was not an athletic youth but once I started exercising at nineteen years old it filled a real hole in my life. Exercise helped give me the confidence that I lacked as a young girl. Changing my body was one thing in my life that I could finally control. There are so many things in life that we can’t change. It felt so good to redefine my figure. Getting in  better shape filled me with so much pride and gratification. It was then that I realized fitness was my passion.



Home Wrecker...the one?



Do you believe in “the one?” Are you of the opinion that there is just one person out there for you?

When I married my (ex) husband I threw away the idea of a soul mate. I just tried to convince myself that he was right for me because he came on so strong. His intensity convinced me that he was “the one.”
Did I go against my instincts? I absolutely did! Have you gone against your intuition and it still worked out?
When I met my present boyfriend there was a just a certain chemistry that even I didn’t understand.
Have you ever met someone and right off the bat you felt as if you knew that person?
Well, that is what happened for me. There was a certain “something” that drew me to him. I just can’t be sure what it was. Had we known each other in a past life, was it an animal attraction, or was it plainly just the right time? I do believe timing is everything. If you are not open to it and the timing is off that can change everything  It might very well change your destiny.
For me, this man is my destiny. I will never understand it completely but at the time we were getting to know each other I knew there was a higher power that brought us together. Sometimes I tend to over analyze things but with this relationship I haven’t done that because it has felt so natural from the start.
He may not be “the one.” That might just be a romantic notion but as things stand now he is the only one I want to spend my whole life with.
My book Home Wrecker is dedicated to this man. His love gave me the strength and motivation to trust in my writing.
A friend once asked me about the early beginnings of this relationship.
“Don’t you feel like your love is tarnished because it started out so ugly, she asked?”
My response to that was a big fat “no.”
Just being able to find this kind of love is a crapshoot. I feel so lucky that I didn’t just smile and walk the other way.



Coffee Shop Home Wrecker


To all the writers out there: Do you remember the last time you wrote with ease and complete confidence? If it was today then you are in good shape.

Lately it has taken me so much effort to get words on the page or more accurately get words on the computer.
Years ago I used to write everyday and I never seemed to have the kind of writers block that I have now. When I think back to those early years (pre Home Wrecker days) I was able to write without a hesitation. I wrote about whatever was going on in my life. I was able to find comedy in the most mundane things and enjoyed making fun of myself and my friends.
When I think about that time I remember my daily routine was so much different than it is today. I used to make it a point to take advantage of my time and head to the nearby coffee shop to write. Once there I would be able to have a clear enough mind and an endless amount of coffee shop napkins to write my story of the day.
It was during a time when we did not have computers or cell phones. I had to write old school, pen to paper. Without all the latest technology there were less distractions so I could get right to work. I could let my ideas flow without interruption. Now, I have to push myself to do what at one time came so naturally.


Guilt is a Home Wrecker


Do you hold onto guilt from a past experience? Do you carry this guilt with you on a daily basis? 

When I left my husband for another man I was criticized by others but more than that I blamed myself endlessly because I knew what I did was wrong.
I have spent an endless amount of time beating myself up over a choice that I made over two years ago. Even though I knew I was not entirely to blame, as my marriage was damaged, I gave myself the Home Wrecker title.
Now that the storm has passed, I have continued to live with this guilt. I have put it all on me even though my husband should share in the responsibility for not nurturing what we had. He took me for granted and did not handle our relationship with care.
Do you feel you deserve to stay guilty for the rest of your life even if it doesn’t serve you well?
I now realize it is time for me to let go of this guilt because it doesn’t do anything but hurt me. I have been given a second chance in life. If I don't see that as a blessing then I would be one ungrateful girl!


Home Wrecker inspiration



How about some inspiration?

Here is a little story written by my boyfriends father. He has already written his autobiography! In this story he talks about being married for 68 years.
Now get out the tissues just in case! I know I needed one.

Today marks our 68th wedding anniversary. I can't believe our God has given us 88 years of life to reach this point in our lives.  I remember the first time I laid eyes on Lyn, my bride.  I had just completed Navy boot camp in Chicago and was transferred to Alameda, California.
I heard there were free dances for servicemen at the Oakland YWCA every night. One evening I decided to attended  as I loved to dance. At that time, as a seaman 1st class, I was only making $50 a month and had to take advantage of all freebies.  I even thought I was a good dancer.  I had been told so in high school by the girls with whom I danced.
I was sitting on the balcony when I saw this beautiful red head approach the receptionist.  It appeared she was having some difficulty being admitted.  I kept watching her until she looked my way and gave me her warm, beautiful, engaging smile. I don't know what attracted me to her as I only liked blondes or brunettes.   I followed her into the dance hall and asked her to dance.  Several men kept cutting in on me but I was persistent and did the same to them.  They finally gave up and I had her to myself for the rest of the evening. However, once during a jitterbug number and tossing her around, my arm somehow became entangled in her string of pikake shells she was wearing.  They sprayed all over the dance floor. I was so embarrassed and began picking up the shells when she assured me it was okay.  They were old beads and didn't matter to her.
When the dance was over I asked her if I could see her home.  She said no but after noticing that it was dark outside she agreed that I could walk her to the train.  I complimented her on her cute hat she was wearing which made some points with her.  I also walked on her left side as a man, at that time, was expected to do.  At the train station I asked if I could see her again.
I could go on forever about our courting days as they were filled with more cheap dates, like touring a cemetery and reading all of the headstones.  Or going roller skating, where she fell and I brushed her skirt off.
It took me 14 months of continuous dating for her to finally agree to marry me.  My patience have multiplied into 68 years of wedded bliss and still praying for many more.




A pet store can be a Home Wrecker...please go to a shelter instead


I never knew the love of an animal until I had my first dog when I was 28 years old.

Growing up we never had pets because my dad said they were dirty as he was a real neat freak. He even refused to let me babysit the class rabbit when I was in preschool.
Since I was not raised with animals I did not feel comfortable around them. Dogs scared me. I was the girl that walked across the street to avoid the neighbors pet. Since I was not familiar with dogs I became deathly afraid of them.
When I got involved with the man who became my husband he and his family were dog lovers. Every card that went out graced a dog on the cover. Since there were no children in the family the dogs replaced that empty spot. They talked about their dogs as if they were their flesh and blood. I thought they were all nuts.
Before we were married he convinced me that we needed a dog. After much apprehension, I agreed. I knew how much it meant to him. His love of animals is what I loved the most about him. I believe he loved animals more than people. He was very much a recluse and not very social, When it came to the animals he became very loving and nurturing.
Our first dog together was a mangy looking mutt from the Carson animal shelter. Early on he explained to me how he did not believe in pet stores or breeders. He told me how much these rescue dogs needed homes. I was reluctant to go to the shelter because I was so used to seeing those cute little puppies at mall pet stores. But once we got there I tried to keep an open mind because I figured he knew what he was talking about.
Upon our arrival I wanted to cry because this pound was filthy and seeing all those dogs in cages was so sad. It was as if we had just arrived at a doggie jail. It looked like a prison camp for animals. My husband chose this particular shelter because he knew it was a kill shelter and he really truly wanted to save a dog's life. In fact, while I was falling in love with a litter of tiny puppies that were newly born he was looking at the dogs that were in the worst shape.
That was when this one shepherd mutt caught his eye. She was thin and sickly looking. Leaving her behind would have been a Home Wrecker.




Negative thoughts are a Home Wrecker


Now that the summer Olympics have come and gone I can’t help but be in awe of all these fresh faced competitors. 

I looked at those athletes from all over the world and wondered how they were able to keep going? Even though they were under so much pressure in some ways it was nothing compared to what they have had to endure most of their lives. They have had to make compromises on a daily basis. They work so hard, all for that one moment in time. These men and women are extraordinary and in my opinion, they are all winners. I can’t imagine dealing with that kind of pressure. Everyday they have had to perform and try to do better than they did the day before.
It makes me wonder why we can’t all try to be extraordinary at something. Why do some people have that kind of killer passion while others just seem to go through the motions?
I think besides this passion above all we need to believe that we can succeed. Lack of passion is a Home Wrecker. We have to really trust that we can achieve our dreams. So many of us second guess ourselves. We are not convinced that the goal is possible. I can’t help wondering if it has to do with how we scrutinize ourselves. Are we praising ourselves or are we being overly critical? These inner voices can really wear you down if they are negative all of the time.
I remember talking to a friend about this very subject. At the time she was deep in therapy and a question that came up in one of her weekly sessions was "how do you talk to yourself?" That was something I had never even thought about. I just never paid attention to how I treated my internal voice. It was then that I realized I was guilty of putting myself down every chance I got. Personally, these voices are not all that forgiving. As much as I try to correct this behavior I find I am often quietly attacking myself. After a while I start to believe those damaging thoughts.
On the outside I may look self assured but secretly I often tear myself to shreds. It is not intentional but it is an everyday occurrence. It is like an automatic response. I can make a mistake and without hesitation those inner voices tear me apart inch by inch. I don’t usually like to admit to this flaw but there it is. It is not something I am proud to confess but on that day it became crystal clear. Once I admitted it to myself I knew I wanted to make a point to change that behavior. It is self destructive and does nothing for me.
So today while I am tackling my daily chores I am going to begin by being a little more complimentary to myself. No more put downs or insults. I am going to exchange the cynical words with new positive ones. I believe if I pay attention I can make this change.



Home Wrecker passion

Now that I have completed my first book Home Wrecker I am considered an author. How funny that sounds. As it is, I do a very good job of butchering up the English language.

I just have the need to write. There is nothing better when my words all come together. It is such a good feeling. Unfortunately, it does not always come naturally. I don’t know that I possess an exceptional gift but just the same I need to write almost as much as I need to eat and sleep. When I have actually written something that works it is the best feeling in the world. It makes me feel like I can breathe again.
I started writing as a teenager. Actually I wrote my first story, “Alexandria the Great” when I was no more than ten-years-old. That story was about an outcast that was misunderstood. That general theme has continued with me ever since. I loved playing with words and telling my tale. While I would read my stories to others I would feel something special inside. It made me feel like I stood out from the rest. I guess you could say writing is my passion even though I never really thought I would accomplish anything with it. I just did it because it was one thing that really interested me.
What is your passion in life? When did you discover this was something that gave you a spark? Are you able to follow your heart and still make a living?