Now that the holidays are here, for me it is a time for reflection. When I think about Christmas I think about all the years of being with my family celebrating in our game room. The entire family gathered at our house to be together. What I remember the most was just this feeling of being content. While I was with all these people that I loved, I felt fulfilled. Back then we were close. That was before my mother died. With her death, my family pretty much evaporated in front of my eyes. Nothing was ever the same again.
Through the years my life has changed and so has the way I celebrate. While I was married I loved being with husband’s family and after a while they became my own.
Losing this family that were mine for so many years hits hard now that Christmas in just a day away. With them, I could be myself without any misunderstandings. I never had to worry about what I said. I was accepted for just being me. How golden that seems now that those days are in the past.
Besides giving up my dog Ivy who I loved so much, walking away from these people has been the hardest part to my divorce. Now this family is no longer mine. This is when I really feel the consequences of what I did.
There is always the yin and yang that comes with making such big life-changing decisions. I love my boyfriend more than anything and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else but today I am just reminded of the sacrifices that I made. When I closed the door to my marriage I also left behind a family that meant the world to me.