Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Call me a Home Wrecker…Sticks and stones…


“I just found out that my ex-husband, the man that was my husband for close to 16 years now has a girlfriend.”

At one time, the thought of my husband being with someone else would have filled me with sadness and anger but now I feel close to nothing. There is no jealousy and there is no remorse which confirms that I did the right thing by leaving when I did.
The thing is, had I not left my husband I wouldn’t have had the courage or the story idea to look for a publisher. In fact, when I sent my story out I really was not prepared for publication. I had to work around the clock to meet my submission date. I still felt I could have used more time. It was really hard to let go. Maybe I never would have felt ready.
I really thought there would be a time that I would regret not having this man in my life or even just miss him a little bit but that has not happened. In fact, I have never cried over him. Instead, I shed tears for the dog that I left behind. That is what I think of as being the hardest part of our separation. For me , my dog was my baby and I left her never to return. Walking away from this dog was heartbreaking. She was my sidekick and was forever loyal. Unlike my feelings for my husband, I loved this dog unconditionally. It was a bond that I don’t think I will ever stop missing. While I was recovering at home after being diagnosed with a chronic illness, it was this dog that fulfilled me in so many ways. She had a way of making me feel better and even allowing me to laugh in between my tears. Whatever I was feeling she stayed by my side as if it were her duty in life. With her I felt safe and I felt loved.
Have you had to make any kind of dramatic life change? Has is worked out the way you have wanted it to?
It just seems so surreal to me how we can replace people in our lives so easily. Even though I was the one who made the choice to leave it still feels so odd. All it took was a decision and just like that I made it happen. I know it is a sad reality but for me it has been a blessing. I have been given a second chance at life. It is like a make over where I can wipe the slate clean and start over again. It makes me realize how we all have the power to change our lives for the better if we want it bad enough.
So what if I have been called a Home Wrecker? Those are just words. At one time those words felt so outlandish to me that I even named my first fiction book under that title.
The life I am living now is so much better compared to what it was just a short time ago. I am living the life I should have been living so many years ago. I do not say this with regret but with gratitude. Most people don’t have the chance to undo their mistakes.
For all the writers out there, do you ever really know when your work is complete? Have you been confident enough in your work that you have known that you have done everything possible to make it all that you have wanted it to be? I would love to know if that is even possible!




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