Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Happy Hollywood Home Wrecker


While at the gym today, a woman on the stair stepper next to me offered up her Star magazine even though I was clearly busy reading Mark Barry's amazing book "Carla." I have not read a gossip magazine in ages. On the cover was Demi Moore in a skimpy gold bikini. While I was trying to read, her breasts were distracting me and I found myself glancing down at the paparazzi photo spread. I couldn’t resist picking it up. 

 I turned the pages to find a three piece layout called “Hollywood’s Happy Home Wreckers.” Now that really caught my attention. Since my book is titled Home Wrecker, the words screamed out to me. I couldn’t help getting a tad bit defensive. Even though I picked that name, honestly I don’t like the sound of it. There is nothing good about a Home Wrecker even if it is you doing the wrecking.

It seems all these glamorous stars were caught in a pretty similar predicament that I was in not too long ago. What was good to read was it seems it all worked out for these celebs. Sometimes in life you find yourself in a situation that you never would have imagined. Life is like that. One day you are a loyal housewife cooking dinner for your husband and the next thing you know you are fighting off not one but two angry spouses,

Truth be told, I would much rather be considered a Home Wrecker then spend the rest of my life filled with regrets.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Home Wrecker: No Regrets


Even though I have confessed all over the internet that I left my husband for another man, I do not plan to make apologies for the rest of my life. I cannot live my life regretting something that I cannot take back. Nor, should I have to.

I did what I did with my eyes wide open and if I were to go back in time my guess is I would do exactly the same thing all over again. The end result has been worth all the harsh judgment and unfair criticism.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation or rationalization. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you cannot know without a doubt what you would have done.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Home Wrecker


"When I left my husband, after fifteen some odd years for another man, my good principles went down the sewer in a matter of seconds. All it took was for me to set foot outside the gym with this man that I had only met just a few months earlier. It was then that my morals were tested and I failed that test with flying colors.”

Shattered Reality Synopsis


“Brooklyn knew what she was doing was wrong and yet she couldn’t go back. She didn’t want to go back and she wouldn’t. No matter how much pain she would cause, it was too late. She was already attached..”

Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles highlights a childhood through mid life of a California girl. The main character, Brooklyn is just trying to find her place in the world. Brought up in the San Fernando Valley in the sixties she grew up during a time when women were housewives and men were the sole providers for their household.

By thirty, she got married and years later, joined the ever growing club she refers to as “divorce central.” This divorce caused her a great deal of turmoil in a life that had been filled with never ending drama.
Throughout her journey, Brooklyn learned a lot about herself and discovered the meaning of true love. However, that was also when everything erupted around her. Despite finally meeting her soul mate, she discovered that she would have to pay dearly for her actions.


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Ivy


When I left my husband back in 2010, I left behind my dog Ivy. I could not take her away from him. Even though I was the one that picked her out from the pound, he loved her too. What I did to him was bad enough, I couldn’t be heartless.

Now when I look back, a part of me regrets what I did. Not so much the infidelity but walking away from an animal that I loved with all my heart. She was always by my side even when I was downstairs in my hospital bed recovering from a chronic illness. She was forever loyal and made me laugh during a time that there was nothing left to laugh about. Somehow she felt that I was broken and did everything she could to bring a smile to my face.

I knew I did the right thing by not taking her away from her home and my husband who loved her just as much as I did. Her love felt unconditional and loved us both equally. I knew she would be okay. I just did not realize how hard it would be for me. I thought there would come a time I would recover from this loss. Yet, that has not happened.

I think about her all of the time. I miss not being with her and visualize not spending her last days with her. Those thoughts, no matter how morbid remind me of how much I really gave up.

The Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles (Part Two)

Bo:

"When I first started talking with Brooklyn I just thought she was a friendly person and easy to talk to. She made it easy because she was so open. That made me curious about her. When she told me I could ask her ANYTHING I wanted, that really opened up the door. 

I said, “ANYTHING,” and she said, yes.

That I found intriguing."


Synopsis: The Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles


"When I left my husband, after fifteen some odd years for another man, my good principles went down the sewer in a matter of seconds. All it took was for me to set foot outside the gym with this man that I had only met just a few months earlier. It was then that my morals were tested and I failed that test with flying colors.”

Home Wrecker: The Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles is the second book in the Home Wrecker series. Part one, the main character, Brooklyn must learn many valuable lessons about herself, not without making many costly mistakes along the way. Now that she has found what she considered, her “soul-mate” in Bo, she would have to continue to defend herself against even her closest of friends, family members, and Bo’s soon-to-be ex-wife, Ruth.
Part two  is a first person account of Bo, the main character, Brooklyn’s boyfriend. In this story Bo narrates his interpretation of events that transpired throughout his life. 
Bo reminisces on his tough childhood growing up in Northern California. He reflects on his three failed marriages, recounts intimate details to an affair he had with a woman while he was still married and chronicles the seemingly endless struggles over his last divorce from a man’s perspective. This story is an honest yet at times gut wrenching account of one man’s life.




Home Wrecker: Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles


"When I left my husband, after fifteen some odd years for another man, my good principles went down the sewer in a matter of seconds. All it took was for me to set foot outside the gym with this man that I had only met just a few months earlier. It was then that my morals were tested and I failed that test with flying colors. 

EVERYTHING else about my character was being questioned. I was no longer such an upstanding citizen. I gained a bad reputation and even gave myself the tittle Home Wrecker."


Home Wrecker: Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles


Brooklyn

I melted in his arms as he touched my bare skin for the first time. I was not prepared to feel the sensations that were overwhelming my body. I had gone through too much and never would have imagined feeling this kind of spark at this point in my life. I thought such intense feelings were dead to me. Somehow when I met Bo something awoke inside of me. A fire that was once burnt out was now reignited. 

For months we flirted with the idea of being together but that was just a fantasy. I never thought I would have acted on these feelings. Even though I knew what I was doing was not proper because I was married, I couldn’t stop myself from exploring. I was interested and needed to fulfill my curiosity.

I never had these feelings with my husband on whom I was married to for fifteen years. He and I did not connect in that way. We would have been better suited as friends rather than lovers. I just wasn’t willing to admit that to myself . Instead we married and lived a life of compromise. More accurately, I compromised.

Settling is a Home Wrecker


Even though I failed on my wedding vows, I still believe in the constitution of marriage.  Had I married the right person in the first place I am convinced that I could have stuck with it and stayed true.

When I first met the man who would later become my husband, I resisted him. He did everything in his power to win me over, as they say. My intuition was telling me to walk away but I didn’t. I was so taken with his motivation to get me to love him that I found it difficult to turn him away.

At the time I was twenty-eight years old and was feeling like I had already missed the boat. I felt it was time for me to make that commitment even though many of the right pieces were not in place. I settled on something that should have never been. I went against my instincts and because of that, I was not true to myself. I settled, as sad as that sounds.



Saturday, January 5, 2013


After losing both parents I have learned that you cannot take ANYTHING for granted. If I could just have one more day with my parents, one more hour, or even one more minute, I would jump at the chance.

Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until it is too late. We get so caught up in our lives and everyday problems that we can’t seem to look past them. What I do know from being sick is that all the things that were stressing me out during that time meant absolutely nothing compared to what I was facing. I was able to clear my calendar in an instant even though I thought those obligations written in pen were non-negotiable. 

With loss comes perspective. When I see people with two healthy parents and don’t appreciate them I cannot help thinking about how foolish they are being. I understand there are some relationships that are non-repairable. I just know what it is like to not have the chance to say the things I wished to have said. If I could back I would make sure they both knew how much I really loved them and how grateful I am to them for their unconditional love.


Another edit from Home Wrecker


When I was a young girl I  used to thrive on spending time with my mom and her friends. I loved when they shared secrets or when they spoke of the world’s problems. They spoke from the heart. I loved hearing their private stories, it made me feel privileged to be in their company. I felt like it was education and I was thirsty for more. With my peers, I felt like I was on the inside looking out. I didn’t relate to them, so I felt isolated and alone. I was misunderstood and that feeling has lasted my entire life.
It was only when I was with my mom that I felt like the most important person in the world. Just the way she looked at me said it all. With her, I was not an outcast or a reject, but someone special. In her eyes, I was enough. She always told me I was perfect, yet she was hard on herself. She was always pulling herself apart.
My mother forever struggled with vanity. She was short, slightly chunky and had fine, straight brown hair. Though I’m far from being overweight, we had many similarities. Mostly, we shared the same frustration over our appearances.


Alex, my first dog was not a Home Wrecker


It wasn’t until I was twenty-eight years when I got my first dog. I had very little experience with them so they seemed pretty foreign to me. In fact, when I helped my husband pick out a dog from the animal shelter I knew very little about them. I remember asking him how she would sleep. I didn’t know if she slept lying down or stood on all four legs like horses did. I know how crazy that sounds, but back then, I seriously did not know. I was pretty clueless when it came to taking care of a pet. 

When we picked this dog from the shelter she wasn’t exactly my first choice. In fact, if it were up to me, I never would have picked her. I was more interested in the adorable little puppies. This mangy looking mutt wasn’t much more than three months old, yet she looked haggard. She was sickly and sad, which left me feeling sad as well. I couldn’t tell my husband not to get her because that would have been cruel. After all, she needed a home so badly. 
At first, she wasn’t very trusting or overly friendly. She used to hide outside the house during the night and when I introduced her to friends, she would run underneath the car. You could tell that she was a street dog and had never been in a house before we brought her home. Thankfully, she changed practically overnight. She blossomed into an entirely different dog; she became a happy puppy and loved to be around people. I never would have believed what a great companion a dog could be. My dad thought animals were dirty and meant for the zoo, not our house.

When I first met my husband’s family, I called them “the dog family” because they were obsessed with their animals. Every card they sent had a picture of a dog on it and every household gathering was always centered on the dogs. I thought they were a bit weird until I got a dog of my own.
Even though Alex was truly my husband’s dog, I felt closer to her. I thought we just had a special bond. I couldn’t believe I’d thought of leaving her at the pound.  I loved her like I gave birth to her myself; she was like my child. 
I was hardly ever alone because she was almost always with me. When I woke up in the morning, she was next to me on the bed where I got my usual good morning licks. When I made my way to the kitchen, she followed me around while I made the coffee. She liked to share my toothpaste with me when I brushed my teeth. Alex always sat next to my chair during breakfast. She waited there for me, knowing how predictable I was. She just seemed to know my routine. 
Alex really became our sidekick. She went everywhere with us. We took her with us on date night to dinner and always joined us at our friend’s art openings. She became very social and had a way of getting attention from just about anyone. Her personality was so sweet and when she wanted to she knew how to charm you. She was such a girl. She would just bat her eyelashes in a flirty kind of way. Her actions seemed so human. I know most people think their dogs are special but Alex was just so smart. After a while she seemed to take on my personality. Like me, she could be the life of the party when she felt like it and at other times she would be moody and reserved. 
When I was with her, I never felt alone. Even though we were not having a conversation, I always felt she understood what I was feeling. We were always very much in sync.