Monday, March 25, 2013

Judgement



When Home Wrecker was originally published I was looking around for a perfect cover. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted but I knew I wanted it to have a pop. At that time, I was just so elated to have found a company interested enough to publish my story.

I looked around online to get ideas but nothing really jumped out at me. Then I remembered that I had a friend in LA that was an artist that I used to pose for while she drew my figure. At one time we were very good friends and she would have done the world for me. She was British and very artsy and sophisticated. She seemed so adult-like compared to me. I loved going over to her place that smelled of fresh lavender. We could sit for hours while she drew and we drank fancy tea. I just loved how with just a simple charcoal pencil she could make something out of nothing in an instant. I guess you could say I was in awe of her.

For years we saw each other off and on and eventually lost touch.

Through mutual friends I heard her husband left her for another woman. I did not know the details but I judged it. I mean, I judged him. Without knowing the whole story, in my eyes I knew he did her wrong. Eventually, they ended up getting back together but at that point I was already living in Orange County.

Fast forward several years, while I was considering ideas for my book cover her name came to mind. I looked her up and saw she had not moved so it was easy to contact her. I asked her if she would be interested in doing the art work for me and she said she was busy but she would try to do it. She was incidentally working on a “well-Known” authors book cover.

I sent her a copy of my manuscript right away and waited for a reply and then I waited some more. When time passed and I did not hear from her I tried contacting her but she would not respond to my calls. It was then that I knew something was wrong. Maybe my story hit too close to home.

I knew people were going to judge me for what I had done, after all I titled my book Home Wrecker. I just never thought people in my own circle, people that once loved me would turn their backs as they did. It was then that I realized I would forever be judged for my actions.

We all live life having different experiences. Sometimes you can’t understand another persons decisions unless you have travelled in a similar direction. At first, I was very hurt by the loss of this friendship but over time I have come to understand how sensitive this topic is for so many people. At one time, I would have judged what I had done too. I might still be prone to judging but I think this experience has taught me to be more understanding of others and don’t always judge a story by it’s title. There might be so much more to the story that I might have missed out on.


Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles (unreleased book three in the Trilogy)


"My marriage had been dead for years. My wife Ruth even said so. She and I were living like distant strangers but neither one of us was ready to pull the plug on our marriage. We were married for fourteen years and together for over nineteen years. We had traveled all over the world together. That was something that was important to me and I made sure before we got married she was prepared to go for the ride and as it happened, she was. We were great traveling companions. When we were away together on vacation things were good between us. We were very well-suited in this way. While we were on one trip, we were always planning for the next. That was how it was. We shared the love of travel and adventure."

Monday, March 18, 2013

Burnt Promises: Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles


My second book Burnt Promises was written in a matter of days while we were away on vacation on a cruise that set sail for the Hawaiian Islands. Besides eating, I was able to find the time to write. The words for this story just seemed to flow. Maybe the sea air inspired me. Whatever it was, the words came easily. 

Now I was ready to expose myself just a little bit more this time around. There were things that I felt I left out in the original story.  I was given time for the story to simmer and this gift of time has given me even more clarity.

The drama continues....

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Life and the Home Wrecker


Last night my boyfriend got me scared. He talked about a little persistent cough that he has had for a little while now. I did not feel insecure until he started talking about his vulnerability, then I started to feel vulnerable too. 

 I knew what he was thinking. “What if there is something really wrong with me?” I am not used to his health being in question, only mine. Now it made me think about the possibility of something happening to him. 

It took us a long time to find each other, most of our lives, in fact. Now we have finally found real love. After all this time, life has gotten good for us. Better than we ever could have imagined. With that thought, I can’t even think about losing him now or ever, but I am a realist and I know things don’t last forever. With this little scare I am reminded of how fragile we all are. 

I am going to make sure whatever time we both have on this planet that it is not going to be wasted on frivolousness. What we have is too good to be taken for granted. I don’t care if it took me being called a Home Wrecker to get where I am today because it was all so worth it. I wouldn’t want to change a thing. 


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Being without my boyfriend is a Home Wrecker


I have spent the last five days being single. Yes, I have a boyfriend but he was been away skiing in Mammoth. I could have gone but I am really NOT a cold weather girl. Let’s just say, I am not all that sturdy. As it is, I freeze here in California when the temperature is barely below 70 degrees. I am a big baby and don’t like to suffer needlessly.

This week felt very different being alone even though I am not really alone. I am not used to it. With my husband he was away more than he was around. With my boyfriend, we are pretty much attached at the hip. Even if I am busy on the computer we are still together most of the time.

I almost felt like I did when I was young, before I was married or had any real adult-like responsibilities. I ate dinner after 10:00 pm, went to the mall for as long as I wanted to and talked on the phone with girlfriends at all hours of the day.

As nice as it was, it was even nicer to have my boyfriend back. We have a great life as a couple and I would rather spend my time with him rather than doing anything else. 

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Home Wrecker "I Do"


Last night I sold my wedding ring. The ring that we so carefully picked out as a couple. The diamond the had to be the right size, color and shape. This ring sat on my finger throughout the roughest days of my life. It seemed those years were filled with more hardships than contentment. When I think about all we had gone through together, I am thankful of where I am today. Had I lived like that much longer I think I might have drowned in a sea of my own misery.

I have held onto this ring for a total of seventeen years. Fifteen of which I was married. I am not even sure I spent any of those fifteen years happily. When I said I do, I should have asked myself, do I really? I knew I wanted him to be the one but I am certain he was not. With that, I have to take responsibility for the choice that I made. Not only had I sold myself short, but I did the same to him. We both missed out on a life that should have been shared with each others’ soul mate.

My husband is not all to blame. Some obstacles were unavoidable. He did the best he could with the skills he was given. He certainly could not spare me the hardships that awaited me. Somehow the lessons I was taught I must have needed to learn. For that, I am grateful.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles 2013


Now that Brooklyn and Bo Chronicles has it’s new publisher, Master Koda Select it has been re-edited by Arlene O’Neil, author of a beautifully written book “Broken Spokes.”

 It is amazing that no matter how many times it is read and edited there are always mistakes that prop up. I could read it 100 times (I am sure I have come close) and I always seem to find something that needs to be changed. Sometimes it is a word but mostly it has to do with punctuation.

I am sure I could hold onto my manuscript forever without calling it completed but there has to come a time when you tell yourself that you are finished and feel good about it. I think I have accomplished that.

I want to thank John Emil Augustine who helped me work on telling my story more completely. He inspired me to fill in the dots. 

Shattered Reality gets right to the heart of the story and I am excited to share it. I hope it will inspire people not to rush to judgment and maybe even appreciate their life just a little bit more.



Home Wrecker or Reporter


When I was a little girl I used to wear my Brenda Starr Girl Reporter belt everyday. Since I did not know anyone else named Brenda I thought the comic book was about me. I really did. My parents could convince me of just about anything. Talk about gullible.

I was named after a character in some old random movie. My mom fell in love with the striking starlet that played the role of Brenda while she was pregnant with me. I had always wondered why Brenda? I thought I should be called something more exotic like Zooey, Brittany or even Alexandria.

When I was a teenager my mom told me she would be happy to go to court with me to change my name. I really considered it but I ended up staying with what was given to me. 

If anyone knows the name of a movie from the sixties where one of the main characters was named Brenda I would love to know!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Home Wrecker: Coming of Age

Last night while I was watching late night television I came across an interview  with author Judy Blume. When I heard her name so many emotions raced through my brain. Ever since I was an adolescent entering puberty it was Judy Blume’s books that helped me escape some of the frenzy that I was going through. Her books made me feel understood and not so alone during a time that just about everything seemed uncertain.

Listening to Miss Blume talk now about her books and why she wrote them made me realize that I started writing for many of the same reasons. Even though my Home Wrecker stories are nothing like hers, there are basic similarities.  She wrote tales about out-casts, bullies and not being able to fit in. I have always related to these kinds of topics. To this day,  I am still trying to make sense of the child that I once was, and I have yet to figure everything out.

 I have always loved coming of age stories and it was books like “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret” and “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing” that really encouraged me to stand tall on my own and not let other people’s opinions define me. She made me realize that for once, I was not the only one going through obstacles. Her stories helped me to accept myself better, flaws and all.